For the past year my family has been currently trying out the multi-generational living arrangement. I suppose that is a nice way of saying "we are living with my mother."
This past month marked the one year anniversary of selling our home in Florida and moving in with my mom in South Carolina. Why you wonder? Unlike many people who have been forced to live with family due to financial constraints that is not the case here. We had jobs and a home that we could pay for. We were not altruistic in our move. My mom is not ill nor does she need help. As a matter of fact my mom is the most independent woman I know. It was not a case of my husband running away with his secretary and leaving me to start over with two kids. As a matter of fact I brought him with me, that poor SOB is going nowhere fast. So I am sure you are wondering why in the world did you sell your house, pack up and go move in with your mom?
I suppose the answer is pretty simple. I wanted my kids to grow up near at least one of their grandparents. I wanted my kids to grow up being close to their cousins and family. My mom had recently moved to South Carolina and my sister and her family were already here so it seemed like a good decision.
When I think about it I suppose the answer may not be as simple as I thought it was. Another reason I wanted to move was I wanted to give my husband the opportunity to pursue his dreams of writing. If we were living without a mortgage then that was an option. He could take the time he always wanted and work on the great American novel. In truth I was trying to squelch the fear that in 10 years I didn't want him to look at me and say "I gave up my dreams because of our family." Do I think he would do that? No, but that doesn't make me not fear it.
I think I was ready for a change of scenery as well. I felt the need to start over. A year or so before we decided to move one of my strongest friendships crumbled apart and I felt like I lost the ground beneath my feet. There were overwhelming feelings of hurt and loss. Could I have repaired it? I don't know. In all honesty I'm still not sure what happened. Move out of state because of a friendship ending? No, that isn't why. This is not the reason. It did make me look into the current status of my life. Many of my friends were moving away themselves. We were all changing in our lives, marrying, divorcing, getting new jobs, and growing up. I felt like I was ready for a change. I didn't want to be static so we decided to be fluid. To go with the flow and see what happened.
So here we are a year later living in our multi-generational home. Its been an interesting year. My kids are making friends and they are happy. Dave never did write his novel but he tried and that was all that mattered. I'm glad we moved. I love being close to my sister and mom again but I miss my friends. I miss the companionship of hanging out with the girls. Heck I am now even going to group exercise classes to talk to other adults and I probably go to the grocery store to talk to the people at the deli counter way more than what is considered to be normal. If someone knows the secret of making friends as a grown up I'd love to hear it.
It is funny how a 4 bedroom house can start to feel cramped with a family of five. I suppose after a year a palace could start to feel small. Sometimes I worry that I have regressed. I mean I live with my mom. Wait... I live with my mom. I'm almost 40 and I live with my mom. God there really is no good way to say that. I am staring 40 down and I am living with my mom. Yeah maybe in an effort to avoid further regression I think a home of our own will be in in order very soon.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Monday, February 4, 2013
The real reasons
I suppose everyone has their reasons for trying to lose weight. I know I should say the reason I want to lose weight is to improve my health, be more active, and live longer. Sure those are all wonderful, healthy reasons to lose weight. I suppose they should be reason enough. Honestly for me they are some of the reasons but they aren't all the reasons. I don't even know if they are the most important reasons why I want to lose weight.
When I think about what I want to accomplish by losing weight there are many other reasons that come to mind.....
For instance, I don't want to be the fat mom. I don't want my kids' classmates to snicker when they see me. I am definitely not concerned about being considered a MILF by any stretch of the imagination but I don't want my kids to be embarrassed of me. I'd rather them be embarrassed by my behaviors rather than my size.
Speaking of kids I want to be able to go to a parent-teacher conference and not have to size up the kid sized chair I'm expected to sit in. Anyone who is a parent with even a slight weight problem has had to make that decision. "Do I sit there and risk breaking the chair or do I sit there and risk having that chair permanently stuck to my ass for the rest of my life?" It would be great to just be able to sit and not worry.
I'd like yoga pants to not be my best friend. Yoga pants have become the greatest invention for the overweight since peanut butter and chocolate came together. Yoga pants are wonderfully delusional. They have a type of exercise in the name but yet they are perfect for the inactive. They are long, stretchy, and even have this panel that eliminates the mighty muffin top. Yes yoga pants are my best friend. I'm somewhat ashamed in my love of my yoga pants. I do make the effort and wear them to actual yoga class but I also find, well I wear them all the time. I suppose I'm ready for a new best friend. I want my new best friend to be a short skirt. Not some mini but a nice above the knee skirt that I can slide on and say "Damn my legs look good". Even better, feel good when I'm wearing it. Pair it up with a nice pair of leather boots and damn that will be a nice new best friend.
Speaking of clothes. I don't want to be afraid of the dryer any more. I need to lose weight so I can put my clothes back in the dryer rather than live in fear that if they are dried I will lose that precious centimeter or so that makes them fit. When I do laundry my house starts to look like a bad thrift store. My clothes are hanging everywhere that I can find to dry them. Well everywhere except the clothesline outside. I don't want the neighbors to see that much fabric at once. I must lose weight so I can use the dryer again and use the dining room chairs for sitting not for drying.
I need to lose weight so I can wear stripes on my clothes not have them embedded in my skin from my jeans that just don't love me anymore. Sure all clothes can leave lines on your skin no matter how skinny you are but I don't want to have to give my jeans a pep talk before I get into them. "OK jeans I won't put you in the dryer tomorrow, if you don't cause me to lose a toe by cutting off the circulation to my foot." Seems fair.
I suppose I'm vain. I want to lose weight to look good. I want to go into a store and buy clothes from the normal section. I don't want to have to go find the women's section, which is for some reason is always next to petites. Yeah cause that's a wonder for self esteem. I want to go into Victoria's Secret and buy pretty bras and panties again. I don't want my color choices to be regulated to cream, black and white.
I think most importantly I want to lose weight so I can inspire others to do the same. I want to follow through with this journey that has seemed to have taken 15 years. I want to say "I did it" "I did it without drugs or surgery." I want people to know that if I can do it they can to. I want to be strong and fit. I want people at the gym to watch me work out and think "Wow that's awesome" rather than "Oh bless her heart look how hard she's working." Ladies of the south I know what that means and I am not amused.
I think being an inspiration would be pretty awesome. I want to inspire my family to eat right and get healthy. I want my kids to be active and strong. To understand that cookies are not a food group and that fruit really is a wonderful thing. I want to have a way of life that develops into a healthy way of life for them so they do not have to ever have a pep talk with their jeans or fear the dryer.
I suppose I want to be my own after photo rather than always be behind the camera. I want to smile at the person taking the picture without reservations or hesitations of what it will look like. Smile big and say "Look out world, here I am."
When I think about what I want to accomplish by losing weight there are many other reasons that come to mind.....
For instance, I don't want to be the fat mom. I don't want my kids' classmates to snicker when they see me. I am definitely not concerned about being considered a MILF by any stretch of the imagination but I don't want my kids to be embarrassed of me. I'd rather them be embarrassed by my behaviors rather than my size.
Speaking of kids I want to be able to go to a parent-teacher conference and not have to size up the kid sized chair I'm expected to sit in. Anyone who is a parent with even a slight weight problem has had to make that decision. "Do I sit there and risk breaking the chair or do I sit there and risk having that chair permanently stuck to my ass for the rest of my life?" It would be great to just be able to sit and not worry.
I'd like yoga pants to not be my best friend. Yoga pants have become the greatest invention for the overweight since peanut butter and chocolate came together. Yoga pants are wonderfully delusional. They have a type of exercise in the name but yet they are perfect for the inactive. They are long, stretchy, and even have this panel that eliminates the mighty muffin top. Yes yoga pants are my best friend. I'm somewhat ashamed in my love of my yoga pants. I do make the effort and wear them to actual yoga class but I also find, well I wear them all the time. I suppose I'm ready for a new best friend. I want my new best friend to be a short skirt. Not some mini but a nice above the knee skirt that I can slide on and say "Damn my legs look good". Even better, feel good when I'm wearing it. Pair it up with a nice pair of leather boots and damn that will be a nice new best friend.
Speaking of clothes. I don't want to be afraid of the dryer any more. I need to lose weight so I can put my clothes back in the dryer rather than live in fear that if they are dried I will lose that precious centimeter or so that makes them fit. When I do laundry my house starts to look like a bad thrift store. My clothes are hanging everywhere that I can find to dry them. Well everywhere except the clothesline outside. I don't want the neighbors to see that much fabric at once. I must lose weight so I can use the dryer again and use the dining room chairs for sitting not for drying.
I need to lose weight so I can wear stripes on my clothes not have them embedded in my skin from my jeans that just don't love me anymore. Sure all clothes can leave lines on your skin no matter how skinny you are but I don't want to have to give my jeans a pep talk before I get into them. "OK jeans I won't put you in the dryer tomorrow, if you don't cause me to lose a toe by cutting off the circulation to my foot." Seems fair.
I suppose I'm vain. I want to lose weight to look good. I want to go into a store and buy clothes from the normal section. I don't want to have to go find the women's section, which is for some reason is always next to petites. Yeah cause that's a wonder for self esteem. I want to go into Victoria's Secret and buy pretty bras and panties again. I don't want my color choices to be regulated to cream, black and white.
I think most importantly I want to lose weight so I can inspire others to do the same. I want to follow through with this journey that has seemed to have taken 15 years. I want to say "I did it" "I did it without drugs or surgery." I want people to know that if I can do it they can to. I want to be strong and fit. I want people at the gym to watch me work out and think "Wow that's awesome" rather than "Oh bless her heart look how hard she's working." Ladies of the south I know what that means and I am not amused.
I think being an inspiration would be pretty awesome. I want to inspire my family to eat right and get healthy. I want my kids to be active and strong. To understand that cookies are not a food group and that fruit really is a wonderful thing. I want to have a way of life that develops into a healthy way of life for them so they do not have to ever have a pep talk with their jeans or fear the dryer.
I suppose I want to be my own after photo rather than always be behind the camera. I want to smile at the person taking the picture without reservations or hesitations of what it will look like. Smile big and say "Look out world, here I am."
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Starting Over...
I suppose we all have reasons for starting over. I suppose we all have things we are starting over. This is the time of year when people decide to renew, refresh and resolve.
For instance, I am starting over on this little blog of mine. It has been so long since I wrote a blog post I wondered if the site was there or if I would even remember my log in? Why am I starting over? Well basically because I feel like writing. Why now? That one is easy, I mentioned starting a blog to someone and was so horrified that I never post in it I felt the need to start posting again. The embarrassment of her seeing my blog that has well, nothing posted to it in a year was enough to get me to start over.
When we start over we are energized, we are committed, we are going to get it done this time!!! Woo Hoo!!! Who am I kidding? When we start over we are also embarrassed about having to start over, struggling with doubt because we didn't accomplish what we wanted the first time, and we have this underlying feeling of worry. Worry that we will not accomplish what we are starting over again.
I think this could apply to all new beginnings. Whether it is a new attempt to lose weight, quit smoking, or as something as serious as starting over from a divorce or loss. Obviously there are many different degrees of starting over. My decision to start writing on my tiny ambiguous blog is minuscule in comparison to someone who is starting over from a tragedy such as having everything they know swept away in Hurricane Sandy or losing someone you love. I cannot fathom the strength and determination to have to start over from a tragedy of that magnitude. I am continually humbled by the strength of people who can start over from devastation.
I believe when we start anything over we start with a decision to change. We realize that our current state needs to change and we are going to do that by starting over. I suppose any change to what we are currently doing is starting something over. I suppose taking the first step is the best way to start.
For instance, I am starting over on this little blog of mine. It has been so long since I wrote a blog post I wondered if the site was there or if I would even remember my log in? Why am I starting over? Well basically because I feel like writing. Why now? That one is easy, I mentioned starting a blog to someone and was so horrified that I never post in it I felt the need to start posting again. The embarrassment of her seeing my blog that has well, nothing posted to it in a year was enough to get me to start over.
When we start over we are energized, we are committed, we are going to get it done this time!!! Woo Hoo!!! Who am I kidding? When we start over we are also embarrassed about having to start over, struggling with doubt because we didn't accomplish what we wanted the first time, and we have this underlying feeling of worry. Worry that we will not accomplish what we are starting over again.
I think this could apply to all new beginnings. Whether it is a new attempt to lose weight, quit smoking, or as something as serious as starting over from a divorce or loss. Obviously there are many different degrees of starting over. My decision to start writing on my tiny ambiguous blog is minuscule in comparison to someone who is starting over from a tragedy such as having everything they know swept away in Hurricane Sandy or losing someone you love. I cannot fathom the strength and determination to have to start over from a tragedy of that magnitude. I am continually humbled by the strength of people who can start over from devastation.
I believe when we start anything over we start with a decision to change. We realize that our current state needs to change and we are going to do that by starting over. I suppose any change to what we are currently doing is starting something over. I suppose taking the first step is the best way to start.
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